Back in the swing of things, with mild distaste….
Hey ladies and gents. It’s been a while since I last posted a blog on here, and I figured now is a better time than any to get things going again. So….where to begin?
For starters, I finished my fraternity pledgeship. What I had dreaded and put thought into nearly all of high school is now over, and I can’t help but feel bad - if not nostalgic - about it. Here I started this large, seemingly endless shared experience with twenty-eight other young men and now it’s over. By the end of initiation, I was tired but altogether pleased. The fact that I got accolades from HMMK and got to paint the basement as I saw fit (at least half of it) was also a good feeling.
That being said, my expectations for the Greek life post-initiation are sorely diminished. Before continuing, let me delineate: I thoroughly enjoyed pledgeship. In fact, I loved it. But what I thought would be a process to take our group of lofty teenagers and transform us, gilded, into men united did not produce the results I expected. I thought we would come out even and clear in the end, as individuals taught as equals by a system of brothers. What I didn’t realize, however, was that once our common task was removed, it made our differences all-the-more glaring.
What am I talking about? Well, my friends, I’m talking about money. Not just money, but my lack of it.
In hindsight, it wasn’t a careful assessment of my situation, but a tactful ignorance (I’d like to think those terms aren’t as antithetical as they appear) that drove me to join a fraternity. As means of personal - and socioeconomic - self-preservation, I suppose it would have been wise to unearth my financial instability and acknowledge that because of my circumstances I shouldn’t have joined one beforehand. And yet, despite my meandering thoughts, here I am. In the fraternity. With no money. I swear, I didn’t see the Ben of six months ago putting himself in this situation. Christ.
Seeing as most - if not all - reading this probably have no idea what I’m referencing here, let me be more clear. You see, my lack of money prevents me from paying for my fraternity. Not paying (or paying smaller amounts) means that not only am I in the brotherhood’s debt, but my status there hangs by a diminished thread. This means that any time I miss a meeting or forget to move my car or anything, really, I am afraid that I give license to others to boot me from the brotherhood. What I earned alongside my peers is, in a sense, thrown out the window in place of the money my parents earn. So, in truth, brotherhood isn’t something that I share through dedication, it’s something I either pay my way into, or flounder in the attempt.
I don’t know why I’m so surprised. I guess I should have seen this coming.
Despite the generous accommodations that the executive board of ZBT have made, personal degradation remains in lieu of my mounting debt. There’s not much others can do to help this really, but as long as I’m in the fraternity I have this awkward stigmatism that I’m less than everyone else, or that I don’t deserve to be where I am. What adds insult to injury is glaring tasks that, despite their good intentions, actually do serve to publicly - if not implicitly - identify me as a monetary pariah amongst my friends and associates.
I recently caught wind of a call denoting my financial involvement in the fraternity, and how if I were to screw up any of my ‘responsibilities’ I would be kicked out. Let me ask you, then, is that brotherhood?
Obviously fraternities cost money. Obviously. But, having paid out-of-pocket almost a thousand dollars, and having devoted weeks of my time and talents to improving the house, I feel cheated. If money was always going to be the biggest deal, I almost wish the frat had told me "no" at the beginning. Now I’m put in an impossible situation: submit to inferiority, or get the fuck out.
Is this really the reason I put myself through all their bullshit? To end up here? I’m sorry, but this is normally a situation I would straight-away avoid and now that the issue is up in arms, I’m without a real course of action. As foolish as this sounds, I’m considering quitting, because I feel the fraternity feels they may be better off without me, although that would mean I’ve made a semester-long, thousand dollar investment in……nothing, really. Nothing more than a lost opportunity. This is, of course, permitting I quit.
What do I do?
Well, let me tell you one thing. I’m not quitting. As much as I think about these things, I’m in it to win it. Whatever the costs. I’m damn well not going to be made into a subservient pushover, and I’m not going to be referred to as fucking ‘twin’. I more than earned my spot in the brotherhood, and I’m not going to have some overzealous, world-weary alumni tell me how to spend my time in college. I have a stronger will than to be someone’s bitch.
Fresh Vids
Hey-o.
So it’s almost Christmas time and I’ve gotten behind on my blogging, so sue me. Even so, I’m probably going to be writing up stuff almost every other day following tonight, so be ready. Anyhow, the reason I’m posting is because of a video I shot yesterday (and quickly edited this evening) of Rhys Williams doing a cover of Rihanna’s "Umbrella".
Checks it out….
So that’s about that. I hope the embedding code worked alright!
Forget what I’m saying
Disregard my last blog post. Too dramatic.
Yeah, shit’s tough. Yeah, it sucks. But that doesn’t mean I have to bitch and moan like every one rant in the blogosphere. God, I fear what I may become if I do embrace that complainy lifestyle.
Either way, I’m alright, everything’s chill. Aaaaaaand, I’m up at 7:00am. Beat that, bitches.
